How to Talk About Periods: Family, Friends and Teasing

You only need one short sentence to start: "I got my period" or "I need pads", said to a parent or another adult you trust, is enough, and they can take it from there. Feeling awkward about it is common, but the awkwardness comes from how periods have been treated, not from anything wrong with you.

The first sentence is usually the hardest one. Below are sentences you can borrow, word for word.

Why it can feel so hard to say

Across different cultures, girls' stories about their first period are full of secrecy and hiding, with more bad feelings than good ones. That says more about how periods have been treated than about periods themselves.

In one experiment, when a woman dropped a tampon from her bag instead of a hair clip, the people watching rated her as less competent, liked her less and tended to sit further away from her. Nothing about her had changed. The discomfort belonged to the people watching, and it is cultural.

Private is fine: you get to choose who knows. Hiding it because you feel ashamed is a different thing, and it is a weight you do not have to carry. Talking helps in a practical way too. In a study of girls in Mexico, those who had talked with their mothers beforehand about the feelings side of periods were more likely to say they felt prepared for their first one. Whoever your person is, talking before you need to means that on the day you already know what to do and who to tell.

Telling a parent or another adult you trust

Pick a calm moment when they are not rushing: a car ride, a walk, cooking together. Side by side is easier than face to face. Then use one of these:

• "Can I tell you something a bit awkward? I got my period."
• "I think my period started. Can you help me get what I need?"
• "My period hasn't started yet, but I'd like to have pads ready. Can we buy some?"
• If saying it out loud is too much, text it or leave a note: "I got my period today. Can we talk later?"

You can tell a dad exactly the same way. Give him a clear job: "Dad, I got my period. I need pads, normal ones for daytime, and some for my school bag too." A specific request is easier for both of you than a big talk.

No parent at home who is easy to tell? A grandmother, an aunt, an older cousin, a teacher, the school nurse or a friend's parent can all help. Here is more on finding a trusted grown-up and on who to ask and how.

When your parent is not the easy one

Some parents go quiet, make a joke, change the subject or get strange about it. That reaction often has more to do with how periods were treated when they were growing up than with you. Things that help:

• Keep it practical: "I don't need a big talk. I just need pads, and to know I can ask you things."
• Write your questions down and hand them over.
• Have the conversation with another adult you trust, and ask your parent only for supplies. That is allowed.

If anyone at home makes you feel punished or dirty for having a period, tell another adult you trust, at school or in the family. And if you are a parent reading this, here is a practical guide for caregivers.

Asking for pads and other supplies

Supplies are a shopping-list job, not a deep talk.

• "We're almost out of pads. Can you add them to the list?"
• "Can you get the ones with wings? The thin ones leak on me."
• "Can we go to the pharmacy together so I can choose?"
• Leave the empty pack next to the shopping list, or add pads to a shared list on a phone.

Ask before you run out, and keep a few in your school bag. If money is tight at home, some schools and health centres hand out pads, so it is worth asking the school nurse or the office.

Talking with friends

Friends start at different times, and it is not a race. Easy openers:

• "Have you got a pad? Mine just started."
• "Mine hasn't started yet. What was yours like?"
• "Can you check the back of my skirt for me?"

If a friend tells you about her period, it is hers to share, so keep it between you. There are more questions like these about friends going first.

When someone teases you

Brothers, sisters, classmates, anyone. Teasing usually wants a reaction, so a calm, bored answer works best:

• "Yeah, periods exist. Moving on."
• "Why is that funny?" Then wait. Most people cannot explain it.
• "Grow up," and walk away.
• At home, to a parent: "Can you tell my brother to stop going through my things and making jokes about my period?"

If it keeps happening, if it is about your body, or if someone shows your things to other people or posts about it, tell an adult at school or at home: "Someone keeps making jokes about my period and it isn't stopping. I need help with it." And if the teasing, or anything else, leaves you with feelings so big that they scare you, tell an adult you trust that same day.