Who Else Can I Ask? A Girl's Guide to Finding a Trusted Grown-Up

If you cannot talk to your mum about your period or your changing body, you are not stuck, and you have not run out of options. There are other grown-ups whose job or role includes exactly this, and you are allowed to go to them instead.

This week a few girls told Soso a version of the same thing: they do not feel close enough to a parent to bring up body stuff, or they are afraid of being judged, or the person they used to talk to is not around anymore. That is a genuinely hard place to be, and it is much more common than it feels when you are in it.

First, the thing you need to hear

Not being able to talk to your mum is not your fault, and it does not mean you are ungrateful or difficult.

Families are different. Some parents grew up being told periods were private or shameful, and they never learned how to talk about them out loud. Some are stretched thin and distracted. Some relationships are simply not close right now, and that can change later or not at all. None of those situations is something you caused, and none of them means you have to figure your body out completely alone.

Knowing something about your own body is not a favour anyone is doing for you. It is information you have a right to.

Who counts as a trusted grown-up

You need one person who is safe, informed, and reachable. That is it. Here are the ones girls most often find helpful.

At school:

• The school nurse. Usually the single best option. They know about periods, they have supplies, they have this conversation constantly, and it is literally their job. Most will keep it private unless they think you are in danger.
• A teacher you like. Not necessarily your favourite subject, the one who is kind when someone is struggling.
• The school counsellor or pastoral lead. Trained for exactly this, and used to students arriving without knowing what to say.
• A PE teacher. They deal with period questions all the time, especially about swimming, changing rooms and sitting out.

In your family:

• An aunt, older cousin, grandmother or older sister. Sometimes a relative one step away from your parents is much easier than a parent.
• Your dad or stepdad. Girls often skip this option, and sometimes it works better than expected. He may not know the details, but he can buy supplies and help you get to a doctor.
• A friend's mum you like and see often.

Outside school and family:

• Your doctor or nurse. You can ask a parent to book an appointment without saying much about why.
• A coach, youth leader, or club leader you already trust.

Online and by phone:

• Child helplines in your country, which are free, confidential and answered by trained adults. Search for the one where you live, or ask your school nurse for the number.

How to actually start the conversation

The hardest part is the first sentence. Take the pressure off by writing it down.

1. Pick a low pressure moment. Side by side beats face to face. In the car, on a walk, doing the washing up. Less eye contact makes it much easier.
2. Ask for permission first. Try: "Can I ask you something a bit awkward?" This gives them a second to switch into listening mode instead of being surprised.
3. Say the topic, not the whole story. "I have got a question about periods" or "I think something is happening with my body and I do not know if it is normal." You do not have to explain everything at once.
4. Text or write it if speaking feels impossible. A note, a message, or even leaving this article open on a screen counts as starting the conversation. There is no rule that says it must be said out loud.
5. Say what you need. People guess badly. Try: "I do not need advice, I just want to know if this is normal," or "Can you help me get some pads," or "Can you take me to the doctor."

If your worry is being called lazy or dramatic for feeling tired or in pain, say that too: "I am worried you will think I am making this up, but my tummy really hurts."

If the first person does not work out

This happens, and it is not the end of the road.

• Try someone else. One awkward or dismissive reaction tells you about that person, not about whether your question was reasonable.
• Try a different format. Some people react badly in the moment and much better to a written message they can think about.
• Go to the professional option. A school nurse or doctor is not going to be embarrassed, and they will not judge. That is the whole point of them.
• Do not let one no stop you. Ask again, ask someone else, or ask a helpline. Persistence here is a skill, not rudeness.

Please do not rely on random people online

Anonymous strangers in comment sections and chat apps are not a safe substitute for a trusted grown-up. Some give wrong information, and a few are dangerous.

The safe rule: an adult who wants to help you will never ask you to keep your conversations secret from all other grown-ups, ask for photos, or want to meet you privately. If any of that happens, stop talking to them and tell a grown-up you trust immediately, even if you feel embarrassed. You will not be in trouble.

When you need a grown-up straight away

Some things should not wait for the right moment or the right person. Tell an adult today, or contact a helpline, if:

• You have pain so bad you cannot stand, walk or sleep
• You are bleeding through a pad in less than two hours, or bleeding for more than seven days
• You feel dizzy, faint or very short of breath
• You have a fever with strong belly pain
• You are having thoughts of hurting yourself, or you feel hopeless for more than a couple of weeks
• Anyone is touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, or asking you to keep secrets about your body

That last one matters most of all. If it applies, tell a trusted adult, a school nurse, or a helpline right away. You will be believed, and it is never your fault.

The bottom line

You only need one safe grown-up, and it does not have to be your mum. School nurses, counsellors, aunts, older cousins, doctors and helplines all exist for this. Starting is easier when you plan a short first sentence, choose a low pressure moment, and say clearly what you need. If the first person handles it badly, that is information about them, and you try the next one.

The world will keep expecting you to know things about your body that nobody sat down and told you. Asking is how you close that gap, and asking gets easier every time you do it. Here is a small first step: pick one name from the list above, someone you could imagine talking to, and decide when you will ask. And in the meantime, keep tracking how you feel in your Sosô app, so when you do get that conversation, you can show them exactly what has been going on.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I am scared my mum will be angry or embarrassed?

Many parents are awkward about this because nobody taught them how to talk about it either, and awkward is not the same as angry. Starting with a text often works better than speaking. If it still goes badly, go to a school nurse instead.

Can I talk to the school nurse without my parents finding out?

In most schools, yes, for everyday questions about periods, supplies and symptoms. They usually only involve a parent if they think you are unsafe or unwell. It is fine to ask them directly what stays private before you say more.

Is it weird to talk to my dad about periods?

Not at all. Plenty of dads handle this well, and even the ones who do not know the details can buy supplies, book a doctor and be kind about it. Telling him you feel awkward is a completely acceptable way to start.

What if I have no adults at home I can talk to?

Then use the ones outside home: a school nurse, a counsellor, a teacher, a coach, a doctor, or a free child helpline in your country. They are trained for exactly this, and reaching out to them is a sensible move, not a dramatic one.

Can I just ask my friends instead?

Friends are wonderful for support, and terrible as a sole source of medical information, because they are guessing too. Talk to them for comfort, and check the facts with a grown-up or a trustworthy source.

How do I bring it up without saying the word period out loud?

Write it down, send a message, or point at a question on a page and say "this one." The information you get is exactly the same, and there is no prize for saying it out loud.