Soso Answers: Washing Down There, Itchy Days and Awkward Puberty Lessons (October 7 to 14)

This week your questions came in two groups. The first was about looking after your body: how to wash down there in the shower, what happens to the blood when you are on your period, why it can itch even when you shower every day, and what a pantyliner is actually for. The second was about school: a puberty lesson where everyone laughed, and a boy who keeps talking about sex in class. Both groups are really about the same thing, feeling okay in your own body when other people, or your own body, make it feel awkward. Here are the real answers.

Q1. How do I wash down there in the shower, and what about when I am on my period?

Several of you asked how you are supposed to clean your private parts in the shower, and a few asked how to shower on your period without blood going everywhere. Nobody really teaches this, so it makes sense to ask.

What is going on

First, a quick map. The vulva is everything on the outside: the outer and inner lips, the clitoris and the openings. The vagina is the stretchy tube inside, where discharge and period blood come out. These two need different care.

The vagina cleans itself. The discharge you see in your underwear is part of that: it carries old cells out and keeps the inside healthy. So the inside never needs washing. Only the outside, the vulva and the skin around it, needs a gentle wash, the same way you would wash your face.

On your period, blood keeps coming out slowly while you shower. That is completely fine. It mixes with the water and goes down the drain, and nobody else will ever know.

What the research actually says

The advice from health services is simple and very consistent.

• Water and a mild soap, outside only. The NHS advises washing the skin around the vagina gently with warm water and mild, non-perfumed soap. The Center for Young Women's Health at Boston Children's Hospital says the same, adds that the water should not be too hot, and says not to put soap into the vagina, because it cleans itself.
• No washing inside. Washing inside the vagina is called douching. Both the NHS and the Center for Young Women's Health say not to do it. The Center for Young Women's Health says it can cause irritation and wash away the natural fluid that keeps the vagina clean.
• Skip the perfumed products. Perfumed soaps and gels, deodorants, bubble bath and scented wipes are all on the "do not use" list. They can irritate the delicate skin there.
• Front to back. The NHS advises wiping from front to back when you use the toilet, so germs from your bottom do not travel forward.

What to do about it

1. Get in and rinse first. Let warm (not hot) water run over the front of your body for a few seconds.
2. Use your hand, not a sponge. A little mild, unscented soap on your hand is enough. Wash the outer lips, the skin around them and the crease where your legs meet your body. You can gently separate the lips and let the water run between them, but keep soap on the outside.
3. Wash front to back. Do your bottom last, so you are not moving germs forward.
4. Rinse really well. Soap left on the skin can irritate it and make it itchy (more on that in Q2).
5. Pat dry with a clean towel. No rubbing.
6. On your period, plan the order. Have a fresh pad or period underwear ready on the bathroom shelf before you get in. Take the used pad off, wrap it and put it in the bin, then shower. When you get out, dry off and put the new pad on straight away, before you dry your hair.
7. If blood runs down your legs, just rinse. It is normal. A dark towel for period days can make you feel more relaxed about drips while you dry off.

Once a day is plenty. Washing more often does not make you cleaner down there, and over-washing can irritate the delicate skin.

A worked example

Mia is on day two of her period and is nervous about the morning shower. She puts a new pad and clean underwear on the shelf, takes off the old pad, wraps it in toilet paper and bins it. In the shower she rinses with warm water, uses a little unscented soap on her hand for the outside, rinses again and finishes with her bottom. Some blood runs down her leg and disappears with the water. She dries with her dark towel, puts the new pad on first, then gets dressed. The whole thing takes five minutes.

When it is more than a washing question

Tell a grown-up if the area is sore, red, swollen or itchy, if there is a strong or unusual smell, if it hurts or burns when you pee, or if your discharge has changed. These are reasons to see a doctor, not to wash more. The full list of discharge signs is in Q2.

Q2. Why does it itch down there when I shower every day?

A few of you asked this, and the "every day" part is the clue. Itching down there is often not about being dirty at all. Sometimes it is the opposite.

What is going on

When you are younger, before puberty, the skin of the vulva is thin and sensitive, and the Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne explains that it is easily irritated. Even later, everyday things can irritate it. Common triggers are simple things: soap that was not rinsed off, bubble bath, perfumed products, tight clothes, and staying damp (a wet swimsuit, sweaty leggings, damp underwear).

So a girl who scrubs every day with a scented shower gel can get itchier, not cleaner.

There are a few other causes worth knowing about.

• Threadworms. These are tiny worms that are common in children. The NHS says they cause extreme itching around the bottom or the vagina, especially at night.
• Thrush. This is a yeast infection. It is rare before puberty, because the vagina has less oestrogen then. Once puberty starts, it becomes more possible.
• Lichen sclerosus. This is an uncommon skin condition that causes itchy white patches, most often on the genitals. The NHS says it can affect children.

What the research actually says

• Most itching in younger girls has no germ behind it. Doctors call it "non-specific vulvovaginitis", which simply means irritated skin. A review by Beyitler and Kavukcu in the World Journal of Pediatrics in 2017 says most cases have non-specific causes, and that hygiene changes and avoiding irritants usually help. A 2024 clinical update from Children's Mercy Kansas City, quoting a paediatric gynaecology textbook, puts non-specific causes at up to 75% of cases. The 75% figure is about girls who have not started puberty yet, so it is a guide, not a rule for you.
• It changes once puberty starts. In a large study by Baka and colleagues in the European Journal of Pediatrics in 2022, about 2,300 girls aged 2 to 16 with symptoms at one hospital in Greece had a lab test. Something grew in the test for about half of the younger girls and about three in four of the girls in puberty, and yeast showed up mostly in the older group. The authors say these results need careful reading, because finding a germ does not always mean it caused the problem. Still, it is one more reason to get itching that does not settle checked.
• Less soap, not more. The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne advises not over-washing, using little soap and rinsing it off well, wearing loose cotton underwear and not sitting around in wet swimsuits.

What to do about it

1. Tell a grown-up you are itchy, so they can help you try these changes and decide whether a doctor should look.
2. Switch to water, or a tiny bit of unscented soap, outside only. Stop shower gels, bubble bath and scented wipes down there.
3. Rinse twice as long as you think you need to.
4. Pat dry fully before you put underwear on.
5. Wear cotton underwear and change it every day, or sooner if it gets damp.
6. Get out of wet things fast. Change out of a swimsuit or sweaty sports clothes as soon as you can.
7. Sleep in loose pyjamas rather than tight leggings.
8. Wash your hands after the toilet and before eating, which helps with threadworms too.
9. Try not to scratch. Scratching makes the skin more irritated, and the itch worse.

A worked example

Sofia showers every evening with a strawberry shower gel and has been itchy for a week. She tells her mum, and together they swap to plain water down there. Sofia rinses longer and wears cotton underwear to bed instead of leggings, and the itch gets much better. If it had been worst at night and around her bottom, or had not got better, her mum would have booked a doctor.

When it is more than irritated skin

Tell a grown-up and see a doctor if any of these happen. Do not try to treat it yourself or buy something from a pharmacy: at your age, the NHS says a doctor should check thrush.

• The itching is worse at night, or around your bottom.
• You see white patches on the skin.
• The skin is cracked, bleeding or very sore.
• The itch is not getting better with these changes, or it keeps coming back.

The NHS also says to see a doctor if your discharge:

• changes colour, smell or texture
• there is more of it than usual
• comes with itching or soreness
• comes with bleeding between periods or after sex
• comes with pain when you pee
• comes with pain in the area between your tummy and your thighs (pelvic pain)

If peeing hurts or burns, tell a grown-up the same day. The NHS lists pain or burning when peeing, needing to pee more often, cloudy pee, blood in your pee outside your period, a high temperature and feeling unwell as signs of a urine infection. It says anyone under 15 should get urgent advice, as should anyone with pain low in the tummy or in the back just under the ribs.

Q3. What is a pantyliner, and do I need one?

Some of you asked what a pantyliner even is. Others are putting together a period kit for your school bag and wondered if liners belong in it.

What is going on

A pantyliner is a very thin, small pad that sticks inside your underwear. It is not made for a full period. It is made for very small amounts of fluid, such as:

• discharge, if you would like to keep your underwear cleaner
• spotting, the tiny drops of blood some people get before or after a period
• the last light day of a period
• backup, for when you are worried your period might start

What the research actually says

• Liners are for very light days. The NHS describes panty liners as a smaller, thinner pad for very light days. That is why a liner will not hold a normal period day.
• They belong in a "just in case" kit. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests keeping pads and pantiliners in a backpack or locker before a first period.
• Daily use looks safe in adults, but the evidence is small. A 2014 systematic review by Pontes and colleagues in the International Journal of Gynecology and Obstetrics found that wearing liners between periods did not seem to harm the vulva or vagina in healthy women. It only had five studies, all in adult women, and two of its authors had run one of the liner trials published before it. One of the larger studies, by Farage and colleagues in 1997, followed 224 women for six months and found no increase in harmful germs, but all of its authors worked for the company that made the liners.
• Breathable ones make a difference. A small study by Runeman and colleagues in 2003, of just 12 women, found that a regular liner made the skin warmer, damper and less acidic than no liner, while a breathable liner kept things almost the same as no liner at all.

So for healthy adults, liners do not seem to cause harm, and there is no evidence that you need one. We found only one small, weak study in teenage girls. It could not tell whether liners cause more discharge or whether girls with more discharge simply wear more liners. In women who keep getting thrush, one study did link liners to it coming back.

What to do about it

1. You do not need a liner for normal discharge. Discharge is healthy, and changing your underwear every day is enough.
2. If you like using one, pick unscented and breathable. Scented liners put perfume right against sensitive skin.
3. Change it when it feels damp or uncomfortable. There is no official number of hours, so go by how it feels, and change it whenever you change your underwear.
4. Give your skin breaks. Go without at night and on days when you do not need one.
5. Put two or three in your school kit, along with at least two regular pads. If your period starts, the liner can cover you for a few minutes until you can get to a proper pad.
6. Stop using them if you get itchy and see whether it settles (see Q2).

A worked example

Ana is 11 and has more discharge lately. She has put a period kit in her school bag: two regular pads, two liners, spare underwear and a small zip bag, and she wears dark trousers on days she feels unsure. One day she feels wet during maths. In the toilet she sees a few brown spots. She uses a liner for the rest of the lesson and swaps to a regular pad at break when the spotting gets heavier. The liner did exactly its job: a short bridge, not a whole day.

When it is more than a liner question

If you suddenly have a lot more discharge than is normal for you, or it has changed colour, smell or texture, or it comes with itching, soreness or pain, use the full list in Q2 and talk to a grown-up. And on your period, if you need to change a regular pad every 1 to 2 hours, your period lasts more than 7 days, you pass clots bigger than about 2.5 cm, or blood leaks through to your clothes or bed, tell an adult and see a doctor.

Q4. Everyone laughed in our puberty lesson. Why, and how do I get through the next one?

A few of you told us about a puberty lesson where the whole class started laughing, especially when the boys learned about girls' bodies. If that left you feeling embarrassed, or annoyed, or both, you are not alone.

What is going on

Laughing in a puberty lesson is usually not about the topic being funny. When something feels private, new or a bit scary, laughing can be a way to let off nerves and show everyone "I am fine". In one big review, some boys said they messed about in these lessons to hide feeling anxious.

What the research actually says

• Lots of students find these lessons awkward. Pound, Langford and Campbell pulled together 48 studies from 10 countries on what young people think about sex and relationships education at school, published in BMJ Open in 2016. Students often said they felt embarrassed, especially in mixed classes, and teachers were often embarrassed too. Most of the studies were with teenagers rather than younger children.
• Boys messing about can be nerves. In the same review, boys said they were disruptive in these lessons, and some explained it as a way of hiding their anxiety.
• It can land on girls. The review also found that in mixed classes, boys often put girls off joining in by making remarks at them. Many students liked the idea of outside health experts teaching these lessons.
• Being afraid of teasing is very common. A survey of more than 900 students in northern Tanzania by Benshaul-Tolonen and colleagues, in PLOS One in 2020, found 13% of girls had been teased about periods, but more than 80% were afraid of being teased, most often by boys their age. Boys knew about as much about periods as girls did, and boys who knew more were no less likely to tease. The study was in four schools in one part of Tanzania, so it is not the same as your school, but the fear it describes may feel familiar.

What to do about it

1. Remember why they might be laughing. It is often nerves, and it says nothing about your body.
2. Pick your seat. Sit next to a friend who takes it seriously, near the front, and away from the loudest group.
3. Use the question box. Many teachers have an anonymous question box. If yours does not, ask: "Could we write questions down without our names?"
4. Talk to the teacher afterwards. Try: "Some people were laughing at the girls' part and it made it hard to listen. Could you say something next time?" Teachers usually want to know.
5. Ask about a girls-only session. You can say: "Would it be possible to have some of this lesson with just the girls?" Some schools do this.
6. Get your answers somewhere calm. Ask a parent, an older sister, the school nurse or Soso the questions you could not ask in class.
7. Do not join in if someone is being laughed at. Even saying "Come on, everyone goes through this" can change the room.

A worked example

In Lara's class, the boys laughed through the whole slide about periods. Lara felt her face go hot. At the end she stayed behind for one minute and told her teacher it had been hard to listen. In the next lesson, the teacher started by saying everyone in the room would go through puberty, put out a question box and moved the noisy group. It was still a bit awkward, but Lara could follow it, and she wrote two questions down.

When it is more than laughter

Laughing during one lesson is normal. It is not okay when it turns into teasing about your body or your period afterwards, at break or online, or when it is aimed at you again and again. That is bullying, and a teacher needs to know. Q5 covers what to do.

Q5. A boy in my class keeps talking about sex. What do I do?

Some of you said a boy in your class always talks about sex, and it makes you uncomfortable. That feeling is worth listening to.

What is going on

At your age, some kids talk about sex to show off, to shock people, or because they have seen things online they do not understand. That explains it, but it does not make it okay. When someone keeps making sexual jokes or comments that make other people uncomfortable, it has a name: sexual harassment. It is a kind of bullying.

You are not being too sensitive. You did nothing to cause it. And you do not have to laugh along.

What the research actually says

• It is very common, which is part of why it gets ignored. In 2021 Ofsted, the school inspection service in England, visited 32 schools and colleges and surveyed just over 800 young people aged 13 and over. 80% of girls said unwanted or inappropriate sexual comments happen a lot or sometimes to them or people their age, and 92% said the same about sexist name-calling. Ofsted found some young people saw these things as normal, and some did not bother reporting them because they happened so often. Those students were older than most of you and the survey was not a random sample, but the pattern is clear: it is common, and it is still not okay.
• Telling an adult is the main step. KidsHealth, the children's health site run by Nemours, says sexual harassment is not something you should try to handle on your own. It advises telling a trusted adult like a teacher or school counsellor, and telling more adults until it stops. It also says the person being harassed is not to blame.
• A short "stop" can help. KidsHealth suggests telling the person to stop in a way that is brief, calm and clear, and then walking away.

What to do about it

1. Do not laugh or answer back with a joke. That can feel like you are joining in. A flat face and silence say a lot.
2. Say one short line, then leave. Try: "That's not okay. Stop." or "I don't want to hear that." Then walk away or turn back to your work. You do not have to argue.
3. Tell a teacher. You can say: "A boy in my class keeps talking about sex and it makes me and other girls uncomfortable. I'd like it to stop." You do not need to repeat the exact words if you do not want to.
4. Tell a grown-up at home too. If the school does nothing, they can talk to the school for you.
5. Write down what happened. The date, where you were, what he said and who was there. This helps an adult take it seriously.
6. Stick with friends. It is harder for someone to target one girl when she is with others, and friends can back you up when you report it.
7. If he shows or sends you pictures, do not forward them or save them. Close them, and tell an adult straight away.

A worked example

At lunch, Julia's classmate keeps making comments about sex and looking at the girls to see their reaction. Julia says, "That's not okay," and goes to sit with her friends at another table. That evening she writes down what he said and the date. The next morning, she and a friend tell their form teacher together. The teacher speaks to the boy and keeps an eye on lunchtimes. When it happens once more, Julia tells her dad, who emails the school, and it stops.

When it is more than comments

Tell an adult straight away, without waiting, if anyone touches you in a way you did not want, follows you, threatens you, shares pictures of you or asks you for pictures of your body, or if the comments are about you personally. If what is happening is making you not want to go to school, or the feelings get so big that they scare you, tell a trusted adult that too.

The bottom line

This week's questions had one thread running through them: you want to feel at home in your own body, even when it is doing new things and other people are being weird about it.

• Down there, gentle is better. Warm water and a little unscented soap on the outside, nothing inside, front to back, and a good rinse.
• Itching down there can come from too much soap or perfumed products, so switch to water and a little unscented soap on the outside, wear cotton and stay dry. Tell a grown-up if it is bothering you, and straight away if peeing hurts, your discharge has changed, or you have a fever or tummy pain.
• A pantyliner is a tiny backup pad. Useful in a school kit, never needed for normal discharge.
• In puberty lessons, laughter is often nerves. You can still get your answers, from the teacher, a question box or someone you trust.
• Sexual comments in class are harassment, not a joke. Say stop, walk away and tell an adult.

A gentle next step: if you have been itchy or uncomfortable, try the gentle-care steps, note in the Soso app how you feel each day, and tell a grown-up if it is still bothering you. If something at school is bothering you, pick one trusted adult and tell them this week.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I have a bath on my period?

Yes. A bath is fine on your period, and warm water can feel good if you have cramps. A little blood may come out into the water, which is normal and nothing to worry about. Have a fresh pad ready and put it on as soon as you get out.

Should I use feminine washes or scented wipes?

No. The Center for Young Women's Health and the NHS both advise against perfumed products, washes, deodorants and scented wipes on the vulva. Warm water and a mild, unscented soap on the outside are all you need.

How often should I change my underwear?

Every day, and sooner if it gets damp from sweat, swimming or discharge. Cotton underwear lets your skin breathe and is kinder to it than synthetic fabrics or tight leggings.

Is it normal for my discharge to change?

Yes. Discharge often starts before your first period and changes through the month, sometimes thicker and creamy, sometimes clear and slippery. Tell a grown-up and see a doctor if it changes colour, smell or texture, if there is more of it than usual, if it comes with itching or soreness, if there is bleeding between periods or after sex, if it hurts to pee, or if you have pain in the area between your tummy and your thighs.

What if my teacher seems embarrassed in the puberty lesson?

That is very common. Research on these lessons found teachers were often embarrassed and awkward too. It does not mean the topic is shameful. If you have questions they did not answer, you can ask them privately, write them in a question box or ask the school nurse.

What if I was the one laughing?

That is okay. Lots of people laugh when they feel nervous or embarrassed. What matters is what comes next. You can stop laughing when it is aimed at a person, say something kind to a girl who looked upset, and ask your own questions afterwards.

Can I tell a teacher about a boy's comments without getting him in big trouble?

You can tell your teacher that you just want it to stop. What happens next is up to the school, not you, and teachers have ways to deal with it. Your job is only to tell someone, and you did nothing wrong by doing it.

Where this comes from

Here are the main sources behind this week's answers, in plain words.

• NHS, "Vaginal discharge," NHS website: says to wash the skin around the vagina gently with warm water and mild, non-perfumed soap, not to wash inside, and lists the discharge changes that need a doctor.
• Center for Young Women's Health, Boston Children's Hospital, "Vulvar and Vaginal Care and Cleaning," 2023: advises warm water and mild or unscented soap on the vulva, no soap in the vagina, and no douching or perfumed products, which it says can cause irritation.
• NHS, "Urinary tract infections (UTIs)," NHS website: lists the signs of a urine infection, gives urgent advice for under-15s and advises wiping from front to back.
• Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne, "Vulvovaginitis" and "Vulval skin care for children," Kids Health Info: explains that thin skin before puberty is easily irritated by soap, bubble bath, damp and tight clothes, and advises not over-washing.
• Beyitler I, Kavukcu S, "Clinical presentation, diagnosis and treatment of vulvovaginitis in girls: a current approach and review of the literature," World Journal of Pediatrics, 2017: found most cases in girls have non-specific causes and improve with hygiene changes.
• Erickson K, Etzenhouser AD, "Evidence Based Strategies: Vulvovaginitis in the Prepubertal Female," Children's Mercy Kansas City, 2024: quotes a textbook figure of up to 75% of cases in younger girls being non-specific, and says yeast infections are rare before puberty.
• Baka S and colleagues, "Microbiological findings in prepubertal and pubertal girls with vulvovaginitis," European Journal of Pediatrics, 2022: in about 2,300 girls with symptoms, something grew in lab tests more often in girls in puberty, and yeast mostly in that older group, though the authors say a positive test does not always mean that germ caused the symptoms.
• NHS, "Threadworms," NHS website: says threadworms cause extreme itching around the bottom or vagina, especially at night.
• NHS, "Lichen sclerosus," NHS website: describes itchy white patches, most often on the genitals, which can affect children.
• NHS, "Thrush in men and women," NHS website: describes thrush and says anyone under 16 with it should see a doctor.
• NHS, "Periods," NHS website: describes panty liners as smaller, thinner pads for very light days.
• American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org, "Physical Development in Girls: What to Expect," 2019: suggests keeping pads and pantiliners in a backpack or locker before a first period.
• Pontes AC and colleagues, "A systematic review of the effect of daily panty liner use on the vulvovaginal environment," International Journal of Gynecology and Obstetrics, 2014: found daily liners did not seem to harm healthy adult women, based on a small number of studies.
• Farage MA and colleagues, "Labial and Vaginal Microbiology: Effects of Extended Panty Liner Use," Infectious Diseases in Obstetrics and Gynecology, 1997: found no rise in harmful germs over six months in 224 women; the authors worked for the liner's maker.
• Runeman B and colleagues, "The vulva skin microclimate: influence of panty liners on temperature, humidity and pH," Acta Dermato-Venereologica, 2003: in 12 women, a regular liner made the skin warmer, damper and less acidic, while a breathable one barely changed it.
• Pound P, Langford R, Campbell R, "What do young people think about their school-based sex and relationship education? A qualitative synthesis of young people's views and experiences," BMJ Open, 2016: across 48 studies, students found these lessons embarrassing, some boys said they disrupted them to hide nerves, and girls were put off by boys' remarks.
• Benshaul-Tolonen A and colleagues, "Period teasing, stigma and knowledge: A survey of adolescent boys and girls in Northern Tanzania," PLOS One, 2020: 13% of girls had been teased about periods and more than 80% feared it; boys their age were the group girls named most often.
• Ofsted, "Review of sexual abuse in schools and colleges," 2021: most girls aged 13 and over who were surveyed said sexual comments and sexist name-calling happen to them or people their age.
• Nemours KidsHealth, "Sexual Harassment": advises telling a trusted adult, telling the person to stop briefly and calmly, and says the person being harassed is not to blame.

This information is here to help you understand your body. It does not replace a doctor, so if something worries you, talk to a trusted adult and get it checked.